Lessons Learned

Wow so where to start...
First off I just feel so renewed after this weekend being able to fast and pray on Thursday, then on Friday got to have some major God time while enjoying His creation! Then got to have some amazing fellowship with the campus crusade girls in the Dells! Then came back and got some rest which was needed! Rest is fully essential in our walk with God, because if we do not get it we are not prepared for his way and we are just worn out, and do not have the strength or energy that we could have had. It is important to be ready!

Ephesians 6:13 "Therefore, put on every piece of God's armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm."

I encourge you to read the rest of that passage...but even though rest is not included in this, if you are not rested then you are not ready for battle! (in my opinion)

There has been a few things tonight, and even these past few days, that God has been showing me. For one, how we are all apart of this one body, and each part is essential to the other! Without the others we alone are in a sense nothing, but together we can do God's work! (see Ephesians 4:15-16)
And then He just keeps reminding me I am FREE and should have no fear! (see Psalm 118:4-9; Romans 8:1-2; 2 Timothy 1:7)
I have started a small group and it is on fear. So I have been focusing on my fears, and truly I have never realized how much it consumes my life on a daily basis. This fear takes away time from my life, and what I should be focusing on instead is God. He has freed me from these things and everything else, and I praise Him for that! :)

God's Carrying Me Through

So it has been a little while since my last blog a lot has happened that is for sure. First of all, the biggest thing that has altered a lot is I switched dorms and I am now actually in a dorm room. I had the option if I wanted to go to a different dorm or stay in the one I was in, but I just felt God was leading me to where I am now. I do not know what He has in store for me, but He has a plan. And if anything right now I have some interesting stories and it is only my third night in the room.
Right now Romans 8:28 is getting me through this.
"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."

Then school has been absolutely crazy right now, I have been so busy, and then adding stuff from home on top of all my other worries does not help anything! I have been just trying to give it all to God but it is hard at times. Then right now I am getting all my stuff together to apply for the College of Education, and that is stressful. Last week I had to go and take the Praxis 1 test and did not pass the reading part by 2 points, however I passed the math with flying colors...then the last part which is writing I am not sure, but I have to pass two out of the three in order to be accepted so I am just praying that I passed the writing part! Because if I do not get in that means I will have to take two semesters of nothing classes which would basically suck! and be a waste of money..that I do not have!!!
Hence why that verse above is really helping me out!

As for my wonderful experiences in my new dorm...first the stairs are killer I am on the fourth floor which is quite fun...and no elevators, which brings me to my next point there are handicap bathrooms and a shower?! Makes sense right? Then when I was walking into a stall the other night I almost walked into puke, which was lovely. And also I got back last night, apparently I just missed the cops because a person in the room next to mine was smoking pot...It will be interesting...lastly be praying that things go well with my new roommate cause she is 18 and it is quite an age difference and there are other factors as well. I will try to update this more, but as I said it has been crazy these last few weeks.
God is getting me through though!

Transitions!

Wow so where to start...
Well God is amazing first off! Yesterday, was Meet you at the pole, and there, a few of us just got to worship in the sense of praying and singing on the gorgeous day that God provided! God has been teaching me a lot lately. For one, I am stepping out of my boundries now to God's infinite possiblities He has in store for me, like the fact that I am now a prayer leader for Campus Crusade For Christ(otherwise know as Cru). He is moving that is fo sho. :) Also, he has just been telling me not to care what people think of me and my faith in Him.

1 Thessalooonians 2:4
"For we speak as messangers approved by God to be entrusted with the Good News. our purpose is to please God, not people. He alone examines the motives of our hearts."

I realize I put this verse in my last blog, but it has just been coming back to me again and again.

Another thing that I give praise to God for is his amazing ways and how he blessed me with just the right amount of hours I needed of experience with kids for the college of education. Now I just need to pass the Praxis test, so pray that, that goes well! Then I will be moving soon out of the lounge and into an actual dorm room, I am hoping that my new roommate is cool and that the transition goes smoothly. Lots of prayer is needed right now! Including...

On a sour note however, my family needs some major prayer right now. I believe we will be claiming bankruptcy...I feel since I have left everything has gone down hill. It is horrible, cause now sometimes I do not even want to go home and visit just for the crazyness that it entails. Surprisingly though when I did talk to my mom she seemed okay with it, but she might have been putting on an act or it was God's peace within her. I am just praying for them! I love them all so much! :)

I feel like I am forgetting so much...I will try to keep it updated better, on how things are going.
God bless! :D

Being The Light

I WILL NOT BE MOVED! I am absolutely in love with that song right now, it's by Natalie Grant if you have not heard it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vyEMJBhCtU8

Though I am off in a new place, where I did not really know anyone, God provided me with amazing Christian friends to keep me on the rock. I have gotten connected, and I can feel God moving through me right now. It is definitely scary to move to a different place, but God is always there carrying us through. God has and will be my stronghold, through anything and everything!

Philippians 4:13
"For I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength."

Psalm 13:5-6
" But I trust in your unfailing love, I will rejoice because you have rescued me. I will sing to the Lord because he is good to me."

God has a plan, though we may not know what it is, it is still has divine plan.
Even though we only see one small part of the picture right now, and alone it does not look good, sometimes, but later when you see the whole picture it is amazing and then it makes sense.

Right now I know there is a reason I am here, I pray that God continues to grow me and use me to the fullest.

1 Thessalonians 2:4
"For we speak as messengers approved by God to be entrusted with the Good News. Our purpose is to please God, not people. He alone examines the motives of our hearts.

Hebrews 13:5-6
"I will never fail you, I will never abandon you...The Lord is my helper, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me?"

I just have to go out and be a light in this dark world.
"its like the sun is shinning when the rain is pouring down"---In Better Hands by Natalie Grant

Night Walk

As I was walking back to my dorm tonight from a leaders meeting for Cru, I just felt peace, I was just walking and praising God for a brisk, yet beautiful night. I know I am supposed to be here for some reason. I feel I am going to grow so much here. I have met a lot of great people that God obviously placed in my life purposefully. God so far has blessed me a lot here, and I am getting along with a lot of people and building strong relationships.
I cannot wait for fall! :D Tonight I had that feeling I cannot explain, but it was an amazing feeling!

New Adventure

Well I am currently off on a new adventure! I am looking forward to it; right now I am not sure where God is leading me or what He wants me to do, but in due time I will know.
College life is definitely different than living with your parents, and right now I have a lot of free time since my classes do not start until Tuesday. I have a feeling I am going to love it here, cause I already do! There is so much to tell, yet my mind and my body are currently not up for it. I just thought I would update you all on what has been going on. :)

Reassurance

Philippians 4:6-7
"Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all that he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard you hearts and mind as you live in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:13
"For I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength."

Philippians 4:19
"And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus."

These are just reassuring words to me right now (see previous blog). Another thing happened tonight but instead it is with my sister. I am holding up this family right now, since my dad is not here at the moment and to hear those words in Philippians 4:13 He will help me and be there for me right now.

Goodbyes?! and Life's Frustrations

Okay so goodbye is such a weird concept! Since I am leaving for school next week I have been having a lot of goodbyes, and it has gotten me thinking. Normally it is like bye see ya next week, yet now it is like BYE I will not see you until you come back. Yet, why is it like that for goodbyes only if we are leaving for a long time, because what if you do not get to see that person again after that so so bye...or maybe you did not say goodbye to them at all. What then? I know it is morbid to always wonder if that person may die, but you never know. That's why I have learned even if you are in a fight with someone or whatever you always want to leave on a good note.
I have no clue if I am getting my point across or not, but all I know is that I feel that the goodbyes I am getting now are like the ones we all should give each other on a daily basis. If anything it shows that person how much you truly care for them.

Then a complete turn from that topic...I kind of just want to scream right now in frustration of life. It could be worse right? According to my mom it could not be however. So are drier broke tonight, which just set off my mom it was her last straw. And when she breaks down I try to help her, but I do not know how and I try to ask God for the words. Yet, I feel like I cannot help her. I love her and hate to see her in this pain. She just feels like God is not listening to her and that He is not helping her in any way. To be really transparent, right now it does not help the fact that we have like no money what so ever we are not even making it from pay check to pay check anymore to pay the bills. I had to pay for part of my sisters schooling because we did not have the money and now I am scrapping by with what I have. I am trying to put my trust in God with all of it but it can be hard. I think for me I try to avoid thinking about my problems, instead of facing them. I think for me it is even hard for me to listen to my mom tell me how bad it is because I do not want to believe it. Yet, it is still there. Also, the job that my dad has means most of the time he is out of town during the weeks and that does not help the situation either and he does not get paid very much.
I guess right now whoever reads this please pray for my family for patience and trust for God's plan, and to help us out financially.

Ecstatic

Things are finally coming together! YAY! I have been talking with one of my roommates and it seems like we are going to get along real well. So I am excited about that. That's all for now.

Fully Charged

Right now it is silent in my house, but truly how silent?! As the fan whirls around and makes this clicking noise, and as I type the sound of the keys clattering away. Can life ever be silent? I guess maybe if you put heavy duty ear plugs in.
I was reading a couple of my friends blogs and got to thinking about my quote unquote quiet times. Are those times really spent listening to God and being silent? Even over this past weekend, when I helped out with the Edge camping trip we talked about how it takes at least a half an hour to get the clutter out of your mind before you can be fully focused on your quiet time with God. I know lately for me my mind has been running a mile a minute with getting ready to go to school, and making sure everything is in order, and making it a point to hang out with my friends before I leave. Where does God come in all of it though? I think I have been so caught up in my life, I have been lagging, yet again, in just being in God's presence and doing His will for me. Luckily for me God gives me grace and mercy!
It is definitely hard to just stop those thoughts from flowing and just listen.

So kind of a side note from that when I was having one of my quiet times and just sitting still I had an image of a low battery needing to be recharged. For me this image is so true in my life lately. I have been on that constant go and I have not been recharged, by not having the kind of quiet times I should be. In a sense I need to plug myself back into God so I can be fully charged, because without Him I am nothing, dead in a way, no true life within me.
If I am not charged how can I spread the power?!

Getting Back to my Purpose

So I have decided that I need to get back to where I was! Right now I have been slacking, not fully there, I have not been pursuing him like I have before. I do not know quite what it is but all I know is I am excited for tonight to get back to him and be in his presence.
Another thing that I am ready for is this new chapter in my life, because as of right now something is lagging. In three weeks I will be off in Whitewater, Wisconsin; I do not know what God has in store for me up there, but I want to be prepared for whatever it is. I want to be able to be used by him!

Summer Nights

It is now July 19th and normally the first 18 years of my life at this time I would be in Lake of the Ozarks otherwise known as Osage Beach, Missouri. The last few years however we have not gone there, you have to understand we went to the same place and it became like our second home, and now I miss it. The place we used to go to no longer exists. To clue you all in this was not just the family, it was the extended family, and it was a fun time with lots of memories. As I entered my house tonight it all came flooding back into my mind, and I just wanted to be in that familiar place. Plus tonight feels like one of those Ozark nights and it makes me want to hop on the boat and go cruising along, with the moonlight glistens on the water. I think another reason as to why I want to go there right now is just for the fact that it is summer and I have not even been on our boat once yet. I truly do not feel like this is summer, yet it is and it is almost gone. Also, right now it feels like one of those nights where I could just sit outside of our room or on the boat dock, and it is calm, the commotion of the day is no longer and all you hear are the crickets and the slight waves of the water. It is so peaceful!

My Family Trip to West Virginia

so I have not written in a while...I have been crazy busy or just wiped out at the end of the day. Finally I am going to talk about my trip to West Virginia only because I also got my pictures up on my facebook.
The first day we were there it was Fathers Day and it was gorgeous day. We decided to go down to this lodge that you can only get to by a gondola now let me tell you if you need/want to go somewhere where there are no distractions this is the place. It was set in a valley and it was only the lodge down there. Later that day we decided to go see these waterfalls, but first you have to take this road and along this road you could tell you were in hillbilly country. That was a trip in itself.
The whole rest of the trip there was barely any people around and the roads were very curvy and the speed limit on some of them were 55 mph which would be insane and if people did go that speed on them they would be dead. Throughout the trip we got to see a lot of amazing waterfalls and mountain/stream landscapes. We did end up seeing a bear and its three cubs which was amazing. A couple of really sweet places we went to included: an old coal town called Bramwell, an old mill, an old train town called Thurmond, the place where they filmed Dirty Dancing and in the mean time they were filming I guess the equivalent of our American Idol but a dancing show for Europe, and trenches from the Civil War. So all in all that was the trip in a nutshell...I definitely could have added more if I had done this sooner...but I had a good time. Also, it was weird because i was reading this book called Crow Lake at the time and I felt like it corresponded with West Virginia so well with the small town life.
Oh and one day when we were by this huge bridge which is taller than two statue of liberties and the Washington monument put together ...we were on this littler bridge and these guys had this rope tied to it and were jumping into the water and at first I thought they were bungee jumping and thats when I discovered I really want to do bungee jumping I do not know why I just had this urge to do that. There are some crazy things I want to do but just have not yet but I hope some day I will be able to. And did I mentions these guys were Navy boys and ooo were they cute. :) haha
Another thing I learned on this trip was that after a while being so closely confined with people someone is bound to burst sooner or later. Yet, God gave me the patience to deal with them and I guess was testing me for my dorm life soon to come.
Well I think I am off, yet feel like there is so much more to tell.
God Bless :D

Hitting the rock...and breaking it down to its core!

It feels like I am hitting a rock right now...I do not know where to turn I wish things could be different, yet I am still going through life not changing a thing. I learn a lesson but do I actually go out and change no! Why not? That is my question to myself. The whole time when I was in West Virginia I thought this is my time...no distractions...I would have been able to have such amazing quiet times but of course I did nothing. However I know that even though I was not pursuing Him, He was sure pursuing me. I still felt He taught me things on my trip. Even though I did not listen to Him when He was clearly calling me to come and meet with Him somehow He got through to me. I am most definitely lost in this world without Him, He is the one who carries me through. Even in these past few years as I was/am trying to go through our families financial situation, to my best friend moving away, to one of my close friends death, to my first breakup. All these trials have strengthened me and have had their purpose in my life to varying degrees. Some I still am coping with every now and again.
I guess I feel like I am trying to hide in a bubble or maybe it is just my personality of how I cope with things. I kind of jumped to something else right now...because I do entrap myself...I purposely avoid thinking about things instead of facing them head on. I swim on the surface of everything just to avoid the tough stuff. Someone asks how are you? my response is pretty good but am I truly? sometimes or at that moment maybe but before or after who knows. Only God does! He is there for me and is there to catch every tear I cry. I have learned that He is the reason we are here, He is the reason we are living, He is the reason! Though there are things that we sometimes do not understand He has a plan and we should trust Him with it even though it may be hard sometimes...and boy do I know...yet in the end it brings out rewards!

Philippians 4:13 "For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need."

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 " That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather , we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever."

Nahum 1:7 " The Lord is good, a strong refuge when trouble comes. He is close to those who trust in him."

A couple other good scriptures that I am not going to write down but you can read on your own time are Ecclesiastes 3:1-13 and Job 1 which he gets everything taken away from him yet he still praises God. As I was going through my journal of things one entry after I read Job 1 I wrote that "though we have troubled times just have faith in God and what He is doing.---trust---God has a plan though we may not see it now there is always a reason for things. "

I was going to talk about my trip, but now I will save that for next time.

Brought Back

Its amazing how one can see something in a different light when you look at it long enough or just have a clear mind. Like the beautiful clouds of a storm in the distance or the lightening that lights up the dark night. You can just see the beauty that God created, feeling the wind on your skin and as you take it in it brings you back. As it brought me back tonight it made me think of so many of the good old days in which I miss; The ozarks, watching the storm roll in with my best friend, etc. It made me have this weird feeling of what is my life amounting to right now, where did those days go. Right now I am wasting away my days on what television, surfing the web, and sleep?! There is so much more out there that I could be doing. Life is going by way too fast and here I am not living it the way I should be, following God's path for me, I am just making my own way right now. It is just a strange feeling I am having right now in which I cannot put into words. I am saddened yet happy. I am contemplative at the moment, I guess that describes it well. I feel as though there is so much more to say though!
Life is amazing, short, and a blessing! And I want to live it the way God wants me to.

just writing

AHHH.... so right now I am sick of the trials with money. I just need someone there to talk to right now and I am wondering how people are able to just waste their money away on things. I do not know right now my mind is running a thousand miles a minute and I do not even know I just needed to type right now.

Capturing the true feelings

I keep putting on a smile even though at times I really do not feel that way. I was looking through some old photos, and sure they capture a moment but do they truly capture they way you are feeling at that moment. In some of the photos I know I was going through a lot of pain yet I put on a smile trying to pretend that everything was okay.
I try to get past certain things as well, but I still get these angry revengeful thoughts/ annoyed and I do not know why I am over it...WHY??? I keep asking God to help me to move on with my life and right now things are moving in a different direction. For one I no longer work for the thrift store, and second I no longer am helping out with the two year olds at church. I loved both things, especially the two year olds and I will miss them however I know that this is Gods plan for my life right now and I am ready for a change. Instead I will be babysitting and then I am continuing helping out with the high school ministry, which right now I feel that God is using me a lot.
I am going to keep the faith!

In the blink of an eye

Lately I have realized that one can fall in love with an idea of something and not realize it until it is too late. Right now I am not doing my quiet times like I should I have been lost in my own world with too much time on my hands that I feel I have time to do them later...but do I really have time later?! I am here now and I do not know when my time is done. This lesson I have learned hit me hard last month and it still comes back to me every once in a while. For instance, this upcoming weekend is going to be hard on me, she was supposed to be there most likely rooming with me and getting her award instead it will be her parents getting it for her. And again I will feel the pain of her not being there, being her crazy self, and making the best of life. She will always be a part of me!

Thoughts on my mind

So does anyone ever feel like you have everyone pour there stuff onto you and you then have no one to lean on? I feel ever since my best friend moved, I have not found someone to the same extent. I do not mind people leaning on me, I am a great listener, yet I need someone there for me. That do not judge me, does not care what I say, and listens to me and my opinions; then to know that they will tell no one.

Then another thing that has been on my mind is just the fact how when you are with younger people than yourself, you can just act crazy, weird, and just let loose. Yet, when you are with your peers you cannot be yourself and not care what they think of you; why does it matter? Why do we care so much about how people see us?

The beginning...

As the winds blows on this gorgeous day
No one knows what goes on inside
as the wheels turn and time goes by
I still hide
yet here I am bearing my soul
not knowing where I am to go
the words on this page are me...
and me alone
no strings attached
I am here "naked" before you all!